Because There Are (And We Know Them): Not All Moms Are Good
My intention is not to attack mothers, but to attack the idea that all mothers are good. The convention of language is deceptive, you have to be careful with it. expressions like There is no love greater than mother’s love, WhatHow to measure it? A mother gives her life for her children, not your parents There is only one mother Isn’t it clear? Great love, mother’s love, etc.
No one denies that there are good mothers who sacrifice themselves for the good of their children, who support, educate and prepare them to face the world (at times alone) and all love; But there are toxic, absentee, manipulative, estranged, exploitative, psychologically and emotionally abusive mothers and sometimes even murderers whose sole purpose seems to be to make life miserable for their children. And that’s exactly the cliché. that prevents them from recognizing and punishing themselves. or that their victims (in this case their children) distance themselves from them so that they cannot harm them.
There are many examples. Come to Aurora Caballero, mother of Hildebrant, a gifted girl who could read and write at age three, became a feminist advocate, activist, and writer, and who later realized she was being exploited by the loathsome creature, her mother. Let’s start by mentioning. in the most infamous ways; Rosa Montero in her wonderful book stories of women said of her: “Arora takes the basic archetype of the deadly castaway mother to her most terrifying extreme, the possessive and vampiric mother who sucks the life out of her children, disguised as pure evil sacrificial love, a Mother Universe from which it is almost impossible to escape.. Hildegart tries it and it cost her life.
according to the newspaper WorldThe statistics of mothers killing their children seem to be hidden or almost not mentioned in the media; However, in Spain, in the past 5 years, more than 28 minors have been suffocated, thrown out of a window, beaten and even stabbed by their mothers, who sometimes kill their children. Works to take revenge from partner. It is hardly talked about because it seems that talking bad about them makes them frown.
In Colombia, mothers outnumber fathers by marrying. A study by Legal Medicine of filecide cases carried out in Bogotá between 1998 and 2003 concluded the above.
Mothers who drown their children, throw them in sewers, leave them on the street or stab them are just some of the cases. This is due to unwanted children in 54% of the cases. There are also some cases in which mothers force their children into prostitution or rent them out for begging.
But let’s not go to extremes. There are also mothers who do great harm to their children without hitting or spanking them. By 1990, psychologist Susan Forward began to define the behavior of mothers as one characterized by toxic parenting that disguised abuse with a perceived cloak of abandonment and love.
Spaying mothers who treat their children as their property and who interfere with all their decisions until adulthood, who try to separate them from their parents or other authority figures and who only feed on insecurities and guilt Creates and does not allow them to make their own decisions.
Emotional manipulators are mothers who victimize themselves, lie repeatedly, hurt their children’s self-esteem, make comparisons, fill them with guilt or shame, and lash out at them with words and behaviors. so subtly that it doesn’t sound like abuse, even though it is.
Narcissistic mothers who care more about what they say and their children will never live up to their standards and who will always minimize or ridicule their concerns and demand the impossible from them. Evil mothers who do horrendous damage and raise unhappy adults.
This doesn’t mean that fathers in general are the paragon of goodness, as it is clear that men top the list for abandonment, abuse and mistreatment, without saying that they are all bad. I also believe that there are many good fathers who approach their fatherhood responsibly, sometimes even going further than mothers.
Let’s get something clear: Mothers are not good just for being mothers. Women who have given birth are human beings with dark and light sides. They are people with virtues and vices, with expectations and contradictions, with dreams and hopes, with meanness and generosity. The same can be expected of a mother as a father and they should be judged by their actions and not just the fact of being a mother.
Kindness is not acquired by contagion at birth, but is the product of a loving upbringing that fosters respect, emotional stability, and independence. Just as there may be fathers who find it difficult to shower unconditional love, there are mothers whose selfishness does not allow them to think of anyone but themselves.
That’s why today, in Mother’s Month, while proposing an end to the generalizations that make abuse invisible, I also salute good mothers who find happiness even when they make mistakes (which they don’t). His children as his purpose; mothers who educate with respect and who understand that the way to make their children happy is to foster their autonomy and help them be emotionally stable; Mothers who give their love unconditionally to fulfill their whims.
My grandmother or my aunt or many other mothers who make daily sacrifices not only to provide for their children but also to give them a place in the world, and who make society better by their love and good example. a happy day for them