If you’re picking your sex toys by name, here are nine of the weirdest

“Small penis? Have I got a car for you”. Thus recited, in 1992, one of the fantastic advertising slogans of the Porsche 911 created by the agency Fallon McElligott Rice of Minneapolis. Instead of “car” one could say “toy” since objects of pleasure can help the couple even in the case of non-standard measures. Today, however, I don’t want to recommend sex toys, even if it would be necessary given the amount of news, video articles, vague pre-Christmas suggestions.

Instead, speaking of advertising, I share with you a series of objects of pleasure with weird names or maybe not. Then it would be interesting to understand if, in addition to the design and features, someone buys a vibrator because attracted by the name.

1. Go Gasm: it’s a small one panty vibrator. Ergonomic, it is fixed to the gusset of the briefs with two plastic flaps which have a magnet. I imagine if it was worn at the airport what would happen at the checkpoints

2. Autoblow: it is D’Annunzio. Male masturbator which looks more like a big white camping torch. It is used without hands. With the app you can try dozens of extras blowjobs and is also activated with voice control

3. Adoramar: it sounds like the name of a boarding house in Bellaria Cagnona. It’s a licker for us ladies. Shaped like a small suction cup to unclog the sink and is emerald green. It is applied to the clitoris and provides oral sex that I miss an anteater

4. gravity: it’s a thrusting dildo. It has nothing to do with space, astronauts, Sandra Bullock. She sticks to the wall and plays with it.

5. Ouck! Onomatopoeic recalls Donald Duck when he takes a beating from Uncle Scrooge. It’s about one line of accessories glow in the dark erotica. Snort!

6. Luscious larger and arousing ale: they are new masturbators in the shape of beer can. So be careful when you go to the pub

7. Screaming: it is therevaginal egg equipped with wireless remote control. Maybe it reminds me of horror movies and it makes me think it could explode at any moment<

8. Enduro: it’s so 80’s. Ride around on motorcycles and Duran Duran. I am instead cock ringsalas

9. Organ toy: and you immediately think of Gregorian chants. Otherwise it is an Italian-English mix of a company that produces shaped dildos baseball bat

I conclude, but I could go on until March, with Lirpa & Eno which is not a duo playing country music, but a line of sex toys for left-handed people.

Unfortunately Patrick Fallonco-founder in 1981 of the agency Fallon McElligott Rice, died in 2015 after making spectacular advertising campaigns as well as for Porsche, for the magazine Rolling Stone, Loctite, BMW and many others. I think he would have put his hands (no don’t think murky) in his hair.

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About David Martin

David Martin is the lead editor for Spark Chronicles. David has been working as a freelance journalist.

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