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More and more difficult, ladies and gentlemen. In the great circus we call humanity, we must today tell you about the homophobic telescope. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, it’s all true, we’re not counting lies. The proof is that the matter is not fresh at all, it has been in the pantry of the news for more than 20 years, only it was too ahead of its time, today it is perfect: at the end of the 90s, NASA began working on a new telescope, which, on balance, would have cost 10 billion dollars. Unfortunately, someone decided to name it after the second president of the space agency, James Webbin office from 1961 to 1968: open heaven, it turned out that Webb had discriminated against non-binary scientists, which is why controversy is raging today: that telescope does not have to be done, it is not gender, change his name, baptize him with someone more suitable. In fact, Telescope Zan sounds great. Or even Luxurio. Malgioglio, then, would be fantastic. We have therefore reached this sign, humanity has nothing better to do: the woke culture expands to the universe, the space McCarthyism of the Sixties is a black hole whose exploding light reaches our days and unleashes furious and justified controversies.
Already last autumn, in truth, there was a surge of impatience: scientists lbgq + -x: to accuse NASA: “Ohei, tì! Bourgeois! Whatever! Fascist!”. NASA did not take it for granted, then she seemed to retrace her steps, only then she retraced her steps and in short, the moral would be that “We have not found such evidence to justify a change of the name”. We are in America, but the solution is Italian: Webb was discriminatory, but he “did not actively participate in the persecution”. Homophobic, but just barely. What happens now? NASA falls? Cade Biden (this wouldn’t be news anyway)? Draghi is leaving? Does the Democratic Party expand the field to the most remote galaxies? The impasse is dramatic, Mattarella does not intend to give up, the only hope hangs on a declaration by Chiara Ferragni, one of those that leave their mark.
From telescope to telescope, the step, I said step, is very short. Boldrini, Cirinnà (with the dog), the entire Piddino staff is mobilized to heal this umpteenth galactic vulnus: space halberd !, the cancel culture of the whole world is activated to boycott the fascist telescope: robot owl robot owl, it turns into a rocket (I said rocket) missile, with the circuits of a thousand valves, sprinting and going among the stars. There are also those who, in a devastating fury, would like to abolish NASA together with NATO, Noaa, Ncar, Ncep and so on and so forth. May such an infamous device never allow itself to discover other planets, other forms of life: they could never be recognized, they should be replaced like the statues of Columbus and Abraham Lincoln. With what? With more politically correct planets, ad hoc asteroids. After all, if they have dedicated some to Zappa and Bowie, why not to the Maneskins?
Nasa, apologize: 1200 progressive scientists ask, the universe is fluid, not patriarchal, indeed we begin to call it univers *; he does not deserve homophobic voyeurs, he does not tolerate classifications, one day he feels universal, another universaein italics, here is a whole mammoth job to do, all science books must be rewrittenof astronomy, sifting through the parallel lives of Galileo, Copernicus, Ptolemy, Kepler, Cassini, Schiaparelli, Newton, Halley, Laplace and it is only the beginning, up the branches up to Eratosthenes, Aristarchus, Hipparchus, Aryabatha and Cecchi Paone.
As for the Solar System, if it doesn’t cooperate it can go fuck yourself. Here you don’t look at anyone! The cause of the unigender demands it. Beyond the rings of Saturn, there is a new era, a new spacetime without masters or slaves (the famous Saturnalia, holy days, foresaw it), masters and exploited, male and female, a continuous carnival in which everything mixes with everything . And when we get there, we will no longer need offensive telescopes and we will have a lot of rainbow parties in the Planetariums. For the moment, we must fight. Without letting your guard down, or deflecting by a millionth of a millimeter: the universe is boundless, but all patience has a limit and here it is civilization itself that is under attack. The revolution, comrades, is not a gala dinner but a galaxy snack, a cosmic challenge of star wars against reactionary and bigoted conformity.
Violet astronomy does not wait, gamma ray astronomy sent a telegram: “Nasa! NASA! For you it is a clean slate! ” For this reason, nowadays, opening a crisis would be irresponsible: with such a priority, no joke, the Democratic Party, always at the forefront of social rights in every dimension, has already presented a bill to make the telescope payable to Mario. Honeys. If Conte drops the government, he assumes all responsibility for the whole universe.
Max Del Papa, July 14, 2022
