The most important purpose is to be satisfied with yourself and others

Neither going to the gym nor learning a new language. We all want to leave a beautiful memory, as a couple, as a family, as a friend… Why would we forget?

January: New Year, counter zero, good wishes.Now I’m going to the gym, I want to eat healthy, I’m going to be more organized, I’m going to learn English… Nothing is more urgent than the goals we choose. practice kindnessAccording to the RAE, “the natural tendency to do good” and “the kindness of one person to another”. Different studies have proven that incorporating kindness into our daily lives can have a positive impact on our brains and overall health. Additionally, it helps form more social bonds. Stable and positive.

“Kindness makes us happy As Viktor E. Frankl wrote after walking through a concentration camp, what truly gives our lives meaning. More than that, we want people to remember a good man. This is how all the patients explained this to my admired friend, psycho-oncologist Ainhoa ​​Videgain, in her last days,” she said. Jose Luis Bimbera Pedrola (Barcelona, ​​November 6, 1956), Author Practical and Radical Kindness (Ed. Desclée De Brouwer), Professor at the School of Public Health of Andalusia, Granada, PhD in Psychology and Master in Addiction from the University of Barcelona.

This conversation with Widgein was what motivated him to write this publication, before the Russian invasion of Ukraine and the war between Israel and Gaza had begun, following a surprise attack by Hamas. “Today, in 2024, it will even be more necessary“, he points out. “I decide, I do, I train, I infect. Decide to choose kindness as your goal and you will win, your environment will win, and society will win. “But once you place your bet,” he warned, Take action Turn it into behavior through habit and discipline so you don’t give up after two days and the cycle of gym and English starts over again. “

a way of life

Bimbela is a PhD in psychology, public health worker, teacher and author of several books.

In the context of individualism and selfishness, should we strive to be a good person? “Of course we have to work hard! Let him Human beings yearn for kindness This is something we already know, and behavioral science, anthropology, and neuropsychology are reinforcing this idea. As a public health worker for 30 years, he staunchly defended prevention over cure. “We cannot live without collateral damage and then try to leave wonderful memories as fathers, sons, friends of friends, life partners… You have to incorporate it into your daily life and keep working on it,” he defended.

He gave an example Cabin depressurization. “On the plane, the key is to put on a mask yourself before taking care of the person next to you. The same thing happens in society: me and I are the most immediate salvation, me and you are later, and then we are with We. That sequence is key.” Remember the stage of the coronavirus crisis when personal responsibility was key to not infecting others. Have we forgotten that “we will get better”?

“As a species, we are threatened by the epidemic. Faced with this situation, we do what is most important. In danger, we unite to survive. Once the worst is over, we forget.” He Insists that you will never get better through magic: “Only if you decide and do. Just like when you are healthy, you live your life without thinking about illness, it is only when your health is not good that you notice it. “

emotional gymnastics

Challenges such as climate change, growing mental health issues, global crises… map the reality fear and uncertainty They keep us from connecting with other people. To this end, Bimbela encourages training kindness like exercise so that it doesn’t have to be a sacrifice but becomes an enjoyment.

“This is a very difficult moment, we are walking like sheep and cannot see welfare goals for all. “The research I review and cite in the book shows that altruistic behavior increases oxytocin and decreases cortisol (the stress hormone).”

The psychologist was a patient with chronic pain who had improved his quality of life through certain care, including healthy eating and exercise.That’s why he emphasizes that “in recent research, good deeds are also associated with Reduce the inflammatory process“.

besides healthier bodyIn the emotional section of Mercy’s offering, the Greek philosopher Epictetus is quoted: “The most relevant thing is not what happens, but how I interpret what happens to me. It gives us power as individuals, face In a much more pessimistic and catastrophic way about what we can see.”

In terms of social health, it relies on the famous 6 verbs of communication: “ask, hear, Empathy, recover, reinforce and provide feedback. In terms of kindness, they build a relationship of respect and mutual trust. “This is a very important aspect in the face of social polarization and this is the word of the year. “You see a lot of conversations where you’re not listening, you’re listening. “We also assume a lot. “We have to ask to understand how others are feeling or why, even if we don’t agree with them,” experts reflect.

For the spiritual dimension, related to the meaning of life and not necessarily to religion, it is based on real flowerhe satisfied state Usually due to one’s life situation rather than more pleasures such as sex, food or money. “You have to find a career or meaning to be happy.” You don’t have to be overly ambitious. A “reason to get up every morning” is enough.

Finally, to maintain kind behavior in the long term, talk about moral health. “This is a strategy discussed in business schools that we’ve all heard at some point: win-win Or win-win. It has been said in the writings of the Bible “You will love your neighbor as yourself”. No one can be so kind as to appear stupid, it’s not about being a martyr, it’s about understanding that kindness is for everyone. “In order to give the best to others, you must first take care of yourself.”

Friendship and social networking

Why do we look like worse people on social networks like X, where everyone looks angry?In the book, the author chooses to first ask us whether we want contribute something Use our comments instead of saying things we would never say to your face. “Before you do something, you have to weigh the consequences, not just whether you are going to insult, which is most obvious because it already has the intention of harming someone else. Sometimes, we don’t even want to harm, but we cause harm to someone , we also have to measure this before taking action.”

bimbera talks Selfie Behavioral. It involves creating a portrait based on our own diagnosis. “We want changes to be implemented friendly behavior Before trying to change someone else.

He criticizes that it refers to the fact that it is so easy for us to tell our children or our partners how they should act and be without first scanning themselves.”This will give us clues as to what costs more and what costs less so that this isn’t all a toast to the sun,” he concluded. Because if we want change the world We must start with ourselves and start with small things.

Practical and Radical Kindnessby José Luis Bimbela Pedrola, is published by Desclée de Brouwer and can be purchased here.

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