Jennifer Lopez’s public presence has been a fascinating mystery to me since I was old enough to buy my first copy of Us Weekly. How does she present herself so spectacularly? How does she choose which romantic comedy she will star in? How does she manage to make a relationship with Ben Affleck look so attractive over several years and two engagements?
Now, though, a new Netflix documentary is here to demystify the legend – below, find all the thoughts I had while watching Jennifer Lopez’s documentary, halftime.
1. I love it when a documentary starts with “thoughtful music playing”.
2. OMG J.Lo’s kids Max and Emme are so cute! And they’re big! I am old?
3. I can’t be that old, because I still lust after J.Lo’s short, bejeweled sweatshirt.
4. A decorated cup of coffee! I won’t rest until I get one.
5. Oh, remember the halftime show?
6. Freaking out on J.Lo’s bowl cut as a baby.
7. J.Lo’s remembrance of how much she loved him Love sublime love as a child is making me want a documentary by Rita Moreno.
8. Omg, the Fly Girl era!
9. This extended scene of J.Lo learning to pole dance for her role in Hustlers (still mad about the Oscar injustice, by the way) is my Rocky training sequel.
10. How do I join J.Lo’s extremely supportive family WhatsApp group?
11. The video call between J.Lo and Shakira!
12. J.Lo calls Shakira a “baby”. These girls are unionizing!
13. J.Lo denouncing Trump’s racist border wall narrative as “bullshit” is extremely gratifying to me, even after all this time.
14. J.Lo’s parents David and Lupe are adorable representations of “divorced parents who still get along.”
15. It’s George Clooney!
16. It’s Rosie O’Donnell!
17. It’s David Letterman!
18. The “Waiting for Tonight” era, baby.
19. Now we’re getting to the good stuff (in my opinion, at least): the tabloid years. I don’t think J.Lo loved them, but they were so formative.
20. Okay yeah, all those jokes and rumors about her on talk shows sound awful. Why does someone become famous? (Oh right, the money and acclaim).
21. The scene of Hustlers J.Lo stripping to Fiona Apple’s “Criminal” lives in my head rent-free.
22. It’s really crazy how much this woman rehearses. I’m impressed.
23. I need this Day-Glo paint-splattered sweatshirt.
24. All these photos of a younger J.Lo on the red carpet made me verklempt!
25. Oh, how time passes.
26. It’s Laura Dern!
27. It’s Quentin Tarantino!
28. It’s the Versace dress!
29. All I want is to watch J.Lo and Shakira rehearse a dance number together for the rest of my life.
30. Emme asking for a pet gecko is making me cry with laughter.
31. Oh wow, I forgot about the J-Rod.
32. If you are not here acknowledging the perfection of The Wedding of My Dreamsyou are not my friend.
33. That American/Puerto Rican flag moment at the Super Bowl really was so important. Name a cooler woman!