Groundhogging: Do you always fall in love with the same man (who is not for you)?

The American actress Drew Barrymore, who talked about it during her talk show, was the victim. It is called Groundhogging, an Anglo-American neologism that indicates the search for the same type of person in relationships, despite the fact that the choice made has then led to disappointing results. «Dating apps are affected by this dynamic because there are few elements available on which to base our research: a few photos, a handful of explicit interests, age and sometimes a phrase that would represent a mini biography. With these few elements, the resulting identikit is flat, in two dimensions, monolithic ”, explains Dr. Lucrezia Maria Marino, psychologist, psychotherapist and sexologist. And in a completely spontaneous way, our choice falls on those characteristics that seem to us to match our idea of ​​the ideal partner.

Who “falls for it” more

There are people who have a predisposition to rigidity, distrust as well as the difficulty towards change. These can persevere on some types of choices, even though they have proved unsuccessful. They must be reminded that labels are nothing more than simplifications. Be careful not to make a “bundle of all the grass” when there was no affinity with a certain type of person: the risk is to make those labels coincide with absolute truths. Nothing more wrong.

If something is wrong …

Since the anti-delusion antidote does not exist, the very fact of thinking that there may be a strategy that will work is part of the problem.

In a relationship, what pays off is spontaneity, without pretense, without wanting to prove anything.

Even if the choice should always fall on the same type of person, it is too easy to always and only blame the other without doing a little healthy introspection. If something is wrong, it is to be found in that unique moment which is the meeting between two people, not in a priori characteristics.

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About David Martin

David Martin is the lead editor for Spark Chronicles. David has been working as a freelance journalist.

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